Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Redneck Word Of The Day:

OBAMA




I just wiped my butt OBAMA self

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter.

He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said, "Easter is a holiday where we have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Erm .....Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde, a Brit, said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Nope!" and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having a Passover feast with His disciples when Judas betrayed him, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross where, after much suffering, He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder... "

St. Peter said, "Yes! Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "So now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter, unless it coincides with “Rrrroll up the Rrrrrim” week, in which case, Jesus goes back into his hole until after the hockey playoffs."

St. Peter fainted......

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

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In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'

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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'

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On another Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.'

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On a Church's Bill board:
'7 days without God makes one weak.'

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At a Tyre Store
'Invite us to your next blowout..'

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On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'

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In a Non-smoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'
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On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push..'

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At an Optometrist's Office:
'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

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On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'

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On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

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At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

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Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

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In a Vets waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes.

Sit! Stay!'

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In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.'

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

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And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
'Best place in town to take a leak.'

**********************


Sign on the back of yet another
Septic Tank Truck:
'Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises'

duplicate posting

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.


THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your
balls become.

There must be a ton of people in Ottawa and Washington playing marbles!

Limerick Time !
There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who had a sarcastic demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one wiener leaner

Dumb Newspaper headlines

1.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
2.Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use
3.Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
4.Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
5.Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says
6.Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
7.Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
8.Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9.Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
10.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
11.Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
12.Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
13.Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy
14.Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
15.Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16.Actual Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
17.Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
18.If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
20.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
21.Teenage girls often have babies fathered by men
22.Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
23.Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
24.Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
25.Infertility unlikely to be passed on
26.Work after Death
27.Child's death ruins couple's holiday
28.Milk drinkers are turning to powder
29.Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
30.Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
31.Lack of brains hinders research
32.New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
33.Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
34.Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
35.Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies
36.Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
37.How to combat that feeling of helplessness with illegal drugs
38.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
39.Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
40.Here's How You Can Lick Doberman's Leg Sores