Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree
to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs: After
every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked
with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only
major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.




P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.




P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.