I was waiting for the cat lovers to come out to post this. CAUTION, this may cause you to split a gut!!!

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY
> >
> >8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> >9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
> >9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
> >10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
> >11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> >12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
> >11:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
> >4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
> >5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> >5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
> >6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
> >6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
> >
> >
> >EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY
> >
> >Day 183 Of My Captivity
> >
> >My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> >They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
> >The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
> >satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> >

> >Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my
> >captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
> >succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
> >
> >In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
> >again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on
> >their bed.
> >
> >Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to
> >make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into
> >their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
> >cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
> >
> >There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
> >solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
> >smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
> >due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use
> >it to my advantage.
> >

> >I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
> >dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
> >obviously a half-wit.
> >
> >The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with
> >them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
> >current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
> >wait, it is only a matter of time...
> >


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