Thread: Father Son Project..........NOT.....

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I'm sure there are some in the same boat. My son is 22. He has some interest in cars and hot rods, but it's minimal. He's not really motivated in that area. He had a 66 Chevy truck, that I have now. When He gave it to me I tried to turn it into a father son project. After an hour or so with a wire wheel, cleaning road tar and gunk from inner fender well, well so went the interest. He's into video games, fishing, and I'm sad to say, smoking an illegal herb......
Now I've known alot of guys whose sons weren't interested in cars, racing, or even whatever the old man was into. I always wanted to build a car with my dad. He was a car guy when he was younger, but marriage, and his marriage to IBM seamed to take that away.

Now here's where it gets different. I have a 14 year old daughter. Youngest of 4. Two older daughters 28 and 25. She is not super girly, kinda in between. She wanted a skate board for Christmas, although hasn't the nerve to really try it yet. Well she asked me a couple months back if she could help me on the 28 rpu. It's the Lethal Weapon build in the builds section. Well I said yes. And there has been little to do, as I just haven't had anything to work with. Well now we are going to have parts flowing in this week and weeks to come. I scored a rear end Saturday, and am picking up steel today. So it's fixing to take off, real quick. She asked me about it yesterday, told her I was picking up steel today. She also told me a couple weeks ago she might want to take welding in high school. I told her I could show her how, give her the basics and see if she liked it first. She is leaning twards engineering.

Now I don't know what to think. I mean I think its cool. She can certainly help all she wants. I have even made a couple of changes in my plan so I can use it to teach her to drive. I guess it just makes me feel bad that I haven't been able to do that with my son. He's been in a little trouble and irresponsible, but he was a teenage boy, so maybe I was kinda hard on him. I guess it's just mixed emotions. Happy my daughter is interested, sad my son is not. And maybe guilty that I have done or said some things that would make my son not feel close enough to me to want to do anything with me.................

my son is goin to prison in a few days for messin with that weed.try to talk him out of that stuff before it gets him in a big fix.go fishin with him if you can.do somethin.

My kid lost interest in cars at about age 10... Now after 6 years of college he works part time at a nursing home and spends the rest of his time on his laptop computer...not sure he could even find the garage anymore!!! Oh well, year's ago I had to decide it was his life and he was going to live it the way he wanted and make a lot of mistakes along the way in spite of being told what not to do...I was probably the same at his age...

As for a daughter helping out in the garage, I think it's great!!! Friend of mine has 3 girls that are all dang good drag racers now! They all started out sweeping floors and washing parts, raced their way through the jr. dragsters, and now all run their own bracket cars....good racers with great lights.... my lone outing as a driver last year and I got trailered by one of them...she chose that run to cut her very first .000 light! Dang kids anyway!

PS---I have a sister who is 63 now...As always last summer she came to the drags with us once just to borrow the Mustang and make a lap!!!! She was a heck of a tom boy when we were kids. When nobody in town would race me for money anymore I'd say "Oh well, my sister could beat ya anyway." No guy could take that, so I'd put Judy in my car and the race was on...she whooped most of them!!!!and took her half of the bet!!!

I can relate, to this as well. I have two sons, 32 and 24, and neither one inherited my passion for cars. And my daughter didn't either. They like and appreciate my street rods over the years, but they have channeled their creativity in other directions. My oldest is into miniatures--Dungeons and Dragons-type stuff--and does some pretty amazing paint work on them. My youngest majored in music performance, and he is a budding rock musician in the St Louis area. I'm proud they are talented and have found their own ways to express themselves, but it would have been fun to work on a father-son project. The upside--it did save me a lot of money.

This is something I can relate to! I ended up with six kids... 3 natural... and three that life brought me. It's been an honor to try to be a good dad to them all. I always had such a passion for cars that I thought that the four boys would certainly have some of that. It just seemed natural!

In the earliest years I took my kids to every car show and drag race in the area. The only result was that my Daughter would come help me sand on paint projects... but my two sons only wanted to skateboard.

Later my boys got hooked on sport bikes, but only wanted to ride.

When my second marriage came along, my oldest step-son liked hunting and four wheel drives, but didn't want to work on them. The youngest stepson was always chasing girls and riding sport bikes with the other two. My stepdaughter just had a passing interest. By then my birthdaughter daydreamed of drag racing, but it never amounted to more than pipedreams.

Today the youngest stepson has discovered cars, and has a passion, but has no patience or focus to get things done. If he can't buy it, he never gets around to it. Nothing else has changed a lot.

In 2009 I did have a brief bit of excitement, as one of the many grandchildren came over for about a week in the summer, and I helped him to custom paint his bicycle. (He did the spraying!) He was proud and amazed... but only talks about how much work it was.

Lately I have been giving model car magazines to a grandson of a neighbor. He has the passion, and is actually building and customizing them. His own grandpa is a pinstriper... and he is always hovering close by. He might get the bug. :-)

I guess it takes a certain combination of "obsession"... "motivation"... "commitment"... "determination".... and "cars" need to be their focus. Not too many people end up with that combination. I have enjoyed many small moments when I could see that amazement that I always had... in their eyes. ...but it was not long-lasting.

I guess you have to be willing to feel blessed if your kids at least have a passion for something positive... and are lucky enough to have a happy and satisfying life. {:-) In the meantime... I spend much of my time with the many fellow motorheads I have befriended! :-)

Too bad our children cannot be controlled, but they are not so different from us. My dad never understood why I wasted all of my time laying under cars, instead of fishing! :-)

I think most Dads have this thing about wanting their Sons to have the same interests as them. The most common one seems to be where the Dad was a high school jock and is disappointed that his Son doesn't like football. We hot rodders are like that too.

My Sons do share the same passion for cars as me, but it wasn't always that way. Don was a gear head all his life, but Dan wasn't. He was more into football, fishing, and playing his sax. In fact, I think the first time he really got turned on by cars was when we built him a Cal Look bug when he was about 16 or so. I remember him looking at it and saying "This car is going to change my life!" It did, now he has the scars and empty bank account to show for it.

If your kids are going down some paths that you don't like (like drugs) that can just be part of growing up. I was not the best kid in the world myself when in my teens and am not proud of some of the stuff I did, especially to a Mom who didn't deserve those worries. But we do mature and most of us end up as pretty solid citizens. As for your Daughter expressing an interest in cars, TERRIFIC!! I think it is so cool to see girls and women who share our love of this stuff..........look at Barb on here, how cool is it that she can carry on a conversation with the best of them and turns her own wrenches.

Not every kid is going to be infected with this disease we all share on here. It isn't something in the genes, but more about being exposed to it while growing up, I think. In the meantime, spend as much time with your Daughter as you can and teach her as much about cars as possible. The memories you both will take away from it will be cherished by the two of you for the rest of your lives.

Don

even though i am on the mom side of things i have the same problem. my oldest son is 23 and never had any passion for cars. My youngest used to help me but he always wanted to take a short cut to get things done. I even brought him a 86 camaro with a blown engine. I then gave him the engine out of my monte for his car. He worked hard on it every weekend for a couple of months. then lost complete interest. I got hurt last year and can no longer climb under my monte. when i was installing my 472 i needed him to do my motor mounts. I had to pay him to do it. Last weekend i needed him and my hubby to hang some plywood for me so i could hang up some of the tin signs that my friends gave me. My hubby was happy to do it but it cost me $15.00 for the help from 17 year old. I got tired of looking at my once beautiful engine in the camaro going to rust. I sat my son down and had a long talk to him about commitment. He tells me that he wants to sell the camaro and get something different. So he sold it. He now has a 94 astro van that he got a great deal on. But as he is still a high school student with no job other than keeping his grades up he needs gas money. If i am working on my car he comes out to the garage to see what i am doing makes a few comments then leaves. I get so frustrated i could scream.

Dlotraf33,
Its nothing you did or said, just youth being youth.
Coming from a "sons" point of view and having shared a "hot rod" obsession with my brother and dad for our whole lives (Dan and I are 40 now) I can tell you that pops never forced us to be part of this crazy car thing. The one thing pops did right was he never forced us into liking exactly what he loved. Dan and I have been into boats, musclecars, hot rods, and even lowriders and dad just supported it and helped anywhere he could. (parts, time, etc). dan and I are both musicians (as dad was in his youth) and he supported us from 6th grade until today (heck he just came out to a gig the other night to support me). Instead of buying me a new car when I was 16 pops bought me a running AMC Hornet wagon to drive. it needed upkeep and he taught me how. He also bought me a 65 Olds convertable to restore. I spent everynight in the garage workin on her. We "eventually" came around to hot rods and have loved it ever since.

I guess you need to find a way to support the hobbies they embrace (sounds like you have done that all along, nice job) Perhaps the son will come around or perhaps not. I say just try to support the positive hobbies they have.

Awesome about the daughter wanting to learn about welding, etc. While not traditionally a womans hobby who cares? It is really about spending time together. Fantastic for you and your daughter What a great dad you must be to make her want to be with you in the garage doing something girls don't normally do!

Dont worry about your son too much, I would worry about the smoking though as that can get you in big trouble but it seems smoking green is par for the course these days. If he likes fishing go fishing. Dad and I love fishing together and I just took dad fishing the other day (payment for helping me put two new small block Chevys down in the bilge a few years ago, I owe him many more trips)

Todays computerized world has changed children and the youth forever in my opinion. Instead of being hands on in the garage most of todays youth are hands on in their laptop... signs of the times I'm afraid. Be happy your family is healthy and together. Sorry so long winded.
Don Jr.

don jr. thanks for what you have said. it gives me my sons point of view.

Barb,
Seems to me a place to stay and warm meals is all the payment your son should need. Crazy to think you have to pay for the help and adding your injury into the mix he should be there for you in my humble opinion.
Don Jr.

i agree don. i chalk it off that he is 17 and i seem to be the enemy some days. part of him growing up.

Keep the faith Barb. I went through a phase (about 13 or 14 I think) where I did not want anything to do with my family. I was getting into girls and little else mattered. I think being 17 today is much harder. Perhaps the Astro Van needs some of your touches?

Originally Posted by Mr Blue

Barb,
Seems to me a place to stay and warm meals is all the payment your son should need. Crazy to think you have to pay for the help and adding your injury into the mix he should be there for you in my humble opinion.
Don Jr.

Yeah, what he said.

thanks tech. but i do not know what to do with him some days. he is a good kid but he seems to like to push my buttons. and there are days that i push back verbally. but when it comes to my car and him helping me it is a battle. so i figure out how i can do things by myself. when it is done and he wants to take it somewhere i am going to charge him for the privelege. then when he complains i am going to tell him that if he had helped me when i needed him the ride would be free. but since he charged me for the work i am returning the favor. and he will want to drive it as there will be nothing like the monte around here.

When I was 14, I bought my own car, a 68 Javelin for $150. It was full of rust, but it ran. My dad and a neighbor helped me get it on the road. A year ago, I rebuilt a Ranger for my daughter for Christmas and birthdays. Before she started driving, she had to learn to change a tire and the oil. She has helped me with repairs on it and she has even changed the oil on my truck. That usually happens when she wants something. We need to change the plugs in the near future, preferably before I pick up my next project in the next couple of weeks. She does not like my taste in cars because I like old cars and she likes new ones. But I am happy that she can do some of the basics on a car, even though I made her do it.