Thread: Boy! I'm in trouble now!

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That's great. Everybody would get those and tell me about it and it took several years before I got one. It looks like just a slight twist on the Nigerian scam. What kill me is the grammer or wording is not quite right, if you know what I mean. They read like slightly broken english. But hey I'm wid you, I don't want no trouble from the FBI so I guess I'd send me a message ifen I was you.

Well, I shot this reply off this afternoon. If you find it offensive, I apologize. It's not you I wish to offend.
It occurred to me later that they probably won't get some of the offensive intent....Heck, they might even send me a picture.

DT
FROM THE DESK OF;

CAPT. JAMES TIBERIOUS KIRK
CLINGON DILYTHIAM MINING COLONY
69 WAGGA WAGGA AVE
UPSTATE MENTAL HOSPITAL
WATERTOWN, NY



MY DEAREST PEARL IN GODS OYSTER BED

DEAR PEARL;

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WARNING ME OF THE NEFARIOUS ELEMENTS THAT ABOUND THE INTERNET LOOKING TO
SEPARATE ME FROM MY MILLIONS.
REST ASSURED I WILL BE ON THE LOOKOUT AND WILL NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH THOSE WHO ARE IMPOSTORS.

HAVING THE FBI ON MY SIDE GIVES ME MUCH COMFORT, KNOWING THE US GOVERNMENT IS SPENDING MY HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS TO LOOK OUT FOR ME.
PLEASE DO NOT LET THE ADDRESS ON THIS MAIL DISSUADE YOU INTO THINKING THE WORST OF ME.
SINCE YOU ARE THE FBI, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT MY ABDUCTION DURING MY FISHING TRIP LAST YEAR.

MANY THINK THE UFOS THAT ARE OFTEN REPORTED ARE NOT OF THIS WORLD AND THEY WOULD BE WRONG.
YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT IS A SINISTER PLOT BY THE UNDERWATER BASS PEOPLE WHO ARE SECRETLY MODIFYING
OUR DNA AND THEN BLAMING IT ON RIDICULOUS REPORTS OF UFOS AND ALIENS. THIS IS RUBBISH!!!
I'M SURE YOU'VE NOTICED THE SIZE OF THE LIPS ON MANY OF OUR FAMOUS STARS ON SCREEN AND TELEVISION.
THIS IS THE WORK OF BASS PEOPLE!!! FOR SURE.



THEY RESPECT NO ETHNIC OR RELIGIOUS BACKGROUNDS AND ARE SLOWLY IMPREGNATING THEIR DNA INTO THE HUMAN POPULATION.

I, WAS OF COURSE, SUBJECTED TO THE CRUELEST OF MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS BEFORE WAKING UP NEXT TO THE ROUND UP TAVERN OVER BY THE LAKE TWO YEARS AGO AND NOTHING BUT MISERY HAS FOLLOWED ME SINCE.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, THOUGH, I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN UPGRADED AND AM DUE TO LEAVE THE FACILITY NEXT YEAR.

IN THE MEANTIME, I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY SPARE TIME DEVELOPING A NEW MULTI LEVEL MARKETING SCAM TO ADD TO THE MANY MILLIONS I HAVE ALREADY EARNED.

SINCE IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOU ARE ON MY SIDE AND LOOKING OUT FOR MY BEST INTEREST, I WANT TO CUT YOU IN ON A PIECE OF THE ACTION.
PLEASE!!! DON'T BE PUT OFF BY WHAT OTHERS TELL YOU ABOUT ME. THIS DEAL IS ALMOST 100 PERCENT FOOL PROOF.
I HAVE ALL THE MODALITIES IN PLACE AND BELIEVE ME THEY ARE WELL PLACED.

REMEMBER, THE UTMOST SECRECY MUST BE MAINTAINED IN ORDER FOR
ALL THE MODALITIES TO FORNICATE. I'M SURE YOU WILL AGREE.


WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IS TRUST! PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
IN ORDER TO MOVE ON MY NEW ENTERPRISE, (get it?) I NEED A TOKEN PAYMENT OF 50 INFLATABLE LOVE SHEEP SENT
TO ME PERSONALLY AT THE FACILITY.
THIS WILL GO ALONG WAY IN HELPING ME NEGOTIATE AN EARLY RELEASE INTO SOCIETY WHERE I RIGHTFULLY BELONG.

WINTERS ARE VERY COLD UP HERE IN UPSTATE AND MY FRIENDS AND I REALLY ARE IN NEED OF SOME GENERIC COMFORT.

ONCE YOU HAVE PROVIDED ME WHAT I NEED AND DEMONSTRATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO DEAL, I WILL ENTRUST YOU
WITH MY COMPLETE STASH OF 4 MILLION ORIGINAL HAND PAINTED CORNFLAKES MADE RIGHT HERE AT THE FACILITY BY
INDUSTRIOUS AMISH.

THESE FLAKES WILL BE SHIPPED AND SHOVED RIGHT UP THE SUPPOSITORY OF YOUR CHOICE.

ALL I NEED ARE SOME SIMPLE STATS TO INCLUDE IN MY IDENTIFICATION PROFILE SO I KNOW WHO TO CONTACT AND WHO IS AUTHORIZED TO DEAL IN MY BEHALF FROM YOUR OFFICE.


FIRST AND FOR MOST, YOU MUST SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOURSELF SO I
MAY JUDGE AS TO WEATHER OR NOT YOU HAVE BEEN SUBJECTED TO BASS
PEOPLE ABUSE. I WILL NOT DEAL UNLESS THIS PROVISION IS SUPPLIED.


NAME;
ORGINIZATION;
AGE;
DATE OF BIRTH
LEFT LEG INSEAM MEASUREMENT (no two are the same)
BANK NAME:
BANK PIN NUMBERS:
ALL THE CREDIT CARD NUMBERS YOU CAN THINK OF:
NUMBER OF PARENTS;
IQ __ __
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WITH THE FBI:
PHONE NUMBER:
CELL NUMBER:
YOUR E BAY PASSWORD:
YOUR E MAIL ADDRESS.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABDUCTED? BASS PEOPLE_____ ALIENS____

I WILL BE IN CONTACT AS SOON AS I GET PHONE PRIVILEGES.


MOST SINCERELY
JIM BOY.
212.543.5930