'Dear Paddy,

Your father has a new job, with 2,000 people under him. He's a gardener at the local cemetery.
Since I last wrote I have had all my teeth out and a new cooker put in.
I was going to send you a turkey but it got better.
I sent you a coat in the post. When the post office weighed it they said I'd have to pay extra for the buttons because they were so heavy. So I cut the buttons off. You'll find them in the top pocket.
We've had a threatening letter from the undertaker. Unless we pay the outstanding money for your grandma's funeral by Wednesday - up she comes.
I must close now. I would have enclosed some money, but I'd already sealed the envelope.
A team of council workers were drilling nearby and accidentally cut through the drains to the house. Since then there's been a terrible smell from your loving mother, Nancy.'