Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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With that one about Mahatma Ghandi I thought I'd better bring this one out of the closet too...




I suppose it's about time I told this story...I've kept quiet about it for years...but now I think it can finally come out...it was a long time ago...


It all started when my sister and brother-in-law bought a ten acre block up Valley Road in Paraparaumu, and needed it fenced into smaller paddocks.
They got a quote from a local fencing contractor for $180 per chain, (a chain is a lineal measure; 1 chain = 66 ft.,) which they thought rather excessive, so asked me for my opinion.
Being young and dumb, and proud of my fencing skills, I offered to do it for them for nothing...and hey; that's what you do for family.
So She and I loaded my fencing gear into the car and headed for Paraparaumu expecting to knock the job out in a week or so.

Oh boy! Was I in for a surprise!

On my land I'd budget on 35 minutes for a strainer hole, another 35 mins. for stay and plate, and 5 mins. per post hole.
Whereas their land is all rotten rock...every hole had to be dug with a crowbar; if I got two strainer/stay assemblies in in a day I was doing well.
So the job took much longer than anticipated.
But my farm had to be run at the same time...so I sent She back home (with the car,) while I stayed on to fence the block up, sleeping in the wee shed on the property.
I soon found there were some things I really needed for creature comfort, so I started making a wee list for 'stuff' I needed to buy from down in the village.

1) Soup. Versatile stuff, and easy to prepare on the wee gas burner I'd brought with me.

2) A cauli. I really love my veges, and cauliflower is one of my favourites.

3) Fridge. Gotta have somewhere to keep my cauli...and my beer!

4) Elastic. The elastic band in one pair of my dacks had given out, and they were bunching around my crotch...most uncomfortable.

5) Eggs. They too are versatile...scramble them, fry them, poach them...all good.

6) Peas. Yep...love my veges.

7) Halitosis. Not expecting to be long, I hadn't brought enough tooth-paste...and its got pretty bad when you spit on the grass and it shrivels in a puff of smoke.

So I set off on the ten mile walk to town, intending to get a local courier to bring these things (and me,) back up to Valley Rd.
I was about half way there when I realised I'd left my list behind, so I started chanting it under my breath so that I wouldn't forget anything.
One of the locals, driving to town himself, saw me walking and stopped to give me a lift.
(He was English, or French, or Belgian, or some other sort of Italian.)
"What's that you're saying?" he asked.
So I told him.
"Soup, a cauli, fridge, elastic, eggs, peas, halitosis."
"Hmm," he said. "I think I can do something with that. Soup, a cauli, fridge, elastic, eggs, peas, halitosis. Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious."

So now you know how it came about.
And I first put those words to paper.