Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.

They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.

HM said to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen."

After they show her their ankles, the Queen said: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.”

Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.”

Nine years later, when the pair are released from prison, one of the blokes said to the other:

”I reckon, if we’d just had just a bit more education, we would have got that job!”





A nine year old girl has disappeared after using moisturiser that makes you look 10 years younger



A little girl was at a wedding with her parents.
Slightly confused, after the nupitals, she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind.

“What do you mean?” responded her mother, looking perplexed.

“Well,” the little girl, with the kind of observational powers only a child can manage. “She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another!”



I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password.
"Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in.
As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult about typing 'Start123.'"



Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.



There were two fish in a tank. One of them said to the other: "How do you drive this thing?"



A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked, "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."



Q: What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

A: U.C.L.A.


Q: Did you hear about the comedian owl?

A: He was a real hoot.


Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.


Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.


Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?

A: An umbrella.


Q: What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?

A: A doctopus!