Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO

A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
Remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of
The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir."


The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary
Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."

Originally Posted by glennsexton

Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of
The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir."


The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary
Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."

............

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. Due to a mix up at the drug factory she was given fertility pills instead of birth control pills, so one night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.