Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Today a guy at work was telling me about a lady that had the largest baby ever born... It weighed in at 36 lbs.

Im sure it was not a natural child birth and of course the baby had a few problems. In fact it's testicles weighed 8 lbs each.

They ended up putting it in an insane asylum because it was half nuts.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she said, "I was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!''

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss, and before she could say 'sh!t', the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
He was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race
again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered
the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.


The next day the local paper headline
read:

BISHOPSCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
He decided to give it to a Nun
in a nearby convent.

The next day the paper read:


NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted.
He ordered the nun to sell the donkey.
Next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could
run wild


The next day the headlines read:

NUN'S ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.


So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and live longer!

An old farmer is sitting on his porch when a young kid walks by with a big length of chicken wire under his arm.

The farmer asks, "Where you goin and whats that under your arm boy?"

The boy says, "this here's chicken wire and I'm gonna catch me some chickens!"

The farmer laughs and says, "you can't catch chickens with chicken wire you fool!"

The boy keeps walking. When he returns about an hour later he has a bunch of chickens under each arm.

The old farmer says, "well I'll be damned!"

The next day the kid comes walking by and the farmer asks him where he's going and what he has in his hand.

The kid replies, "this heres duck tape and I'm gonna catch me some ducks!"

The old farmer starts laughing and says, "you can't catch ducks with duck tape."

The kid says, "sure I can" and keeps walking. He comes back about an hour later and he's got ducks under each arm.

The old farmer doesn't know what to say.

The following day the kid comes by again.

The farmer says, what do ya have in your hand today?

The kid says, "this heres pussy willow".

The farmer says, "Hold on I'll get my Hat!"

Ever wonder HOW Pumkin Pie is made..............

Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see President Obama and Speaker Pelosi before I die,” whispered the priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Pelosi, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN."

Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Pelosi's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally, President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Pelosi.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same.”

What pumpkins don't want you to see!!