Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

I was at a drive in movie it was cool outside so my date and I were cuddled up
She had some nice perfume on just behind her ear I said what is that she said its called DESIRE $10.00 an ounce
Then I smelled her neck and I said what is that She said that is my LOVE $18.00 an ounce
after about an hour I had 4 or 5 buttons undone on her top and I said what is that She Replied That is MY SIN (OH BOY HOMERUN FOR ME)

Then all of a sudden She set up and said
WHAT IS THAT I SAID .........PINTO BEANS 2 POUNDS 99 CENTS
We left early DARN

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
party..

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like
alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note
hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little
hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey,
breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make
you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son,
what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., so drunk and out of your
mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then
you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when
you ran into the door.'

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such
perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is
on the table waiting for me??'

His son replies,
'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone
bitch, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time:

PRICELESS

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences,
pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves,
cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors,
and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning,
I think about women. When I shower, I think about women.
When I watch TV, I think about women.
I even think about women when I eat. It seems that
everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of
the old cowboy
and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied,

'I always thought I was,
but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.'