Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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seems a warm fuzzie story is needed .. it`s a known fact that women are much better at practical thinking than are men but we cant help it .. it`s in our genes ... many millions years ago throg was sent to get some grizzly bear meat by his wife .. he went and after much struggles he finally clubbed a big one to death and cut it up and came proudly home with tons of meat .. the little woman met him at the door and promptly began the bitching .. where are the bones she ask ? no need bones said throg .. cant eat bones .. little wife said .. dumba$$ .. we can make tools and weapons from the bones .. then she asked .. where is the skin ?? throg says why we need skin .. cant eat skin .. the woman says .. we can make clothes to cover our naked bodies and keep us warm during the cold nites stupidhead .. not need clothes says throg .. got plenty of body hair .. little wife says .. yeah .. too much body hair in some places pee-wee .... then she commands throg to go get another grizzly and this time bring home the whole bear .. practical thinking ... so throg does this and instead of killing the beast he just knocks it out.. as soon as he drags it in the cave the little woman says .. you got it rite finally you big goof .. but as soon as she got near enuff throg woke up the grizzly and tossed it on his wife and it promply ate her up .. then throg says to his wifes little sister ..you throgs new woman now .. you get any brite ideas ..you keep them to yourself..

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a rural rancher. One morning, on
his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The
artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows
today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in
the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?'

After a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the
front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk past cow after
cow and when she finally sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one.... right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he thought just might be another dumb blonde,
the man asks, 'Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to
be bred?'

'That's simple: By the nail over its stall,' Amy says.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence says, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

For those who love the philosophy
of hypocrisy and ambiguity!

* One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
* The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
* If a mute person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them??
* Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
* If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* How is it possible to have a civil war?
* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
* Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
* Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
* If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented

Jack was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful Bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked 'How much for that faucet?'

Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'

'My goodness that sure is a lot of money!' Mary exclaimed.

Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

" No, but I will for the faucet."

... and this is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot

This about says it all....

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President' is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t .