Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

Don't laugh!" said the patient Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry Ed," said the doctor...

"I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.

"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21"

"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".

"He's a martyr too " says mum quietly.

"Oh, gracious me ...." Says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18", she whispers.

"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".

"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says ...

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live
on!"


------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"


------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could
give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the
surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost
would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large".


The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man
called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor
came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.


"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.


The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."


------------------------------------------------------------------------

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'."




------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, "This will
make you happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all
over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

ELDERLY SEX

One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92
year old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their
20th floor "assisted living apartment" .. Killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if
she had anything to say in her defense.

She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
have sex. He could fly."