Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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I wonder if the dog will work on wives also...hehe

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well-endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window.

"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you."



They took the bus

The doctor said, "Joe the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the presure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the presure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought," That's what I need...a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman," I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,"Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed,"Thats right how did you know."
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit..it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,"How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said,"sure."
The salseman eyed Joe and said,"Lets see, 34 sleeves and 16 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised. "Thats right how did you know?"
The salesman said, "Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underware?"
Joe thought for a moment and said,"Sure." The salesman said."Lets see... size 36."
Joe laughed, Ah ha! I got you, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 will press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit-$400 New shirt-$36 New underware- $6. Second opinion
PRICELESS

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature throught such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those spiders doing? "she asked.
They'er mating he replyed.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

Thats a Daddy llonglegs her father answered

"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" she asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs".

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said,
"Well, we're not having any Brokeback-Mountain shit in our garden."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :cry: :cry: :cry: :lol: :lol: