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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that...

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don't remember...

Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take...

Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white U.S. government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the...

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a burger and a beer. After his meal, he gets up, pulls out a Mac 10 and kills everyone in the bar except the bartender. As the bear heads for the...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs , doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady...

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have
been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined
by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer
was trying to...

Two old guys were chatting.....


One said to the other:



"My 75th birthday was yesterday.

The wife gave me SUV".

Johnny is playing at the curb with turpentine, lighting it and watching it burn. Along comes Pastor Fuzz, he asks, what are you playing with Johnny? Turpentine answers Johnny. Oh, says the good...

"Shopping in Texas
My grandpa would always tell me that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread,...

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot...

Chinese Sex


While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the
time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to...

And the winners of supply alternate meanings for common words are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. ...

Here are the winners of taking any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a...

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no...

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected & is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a...

Gynaecologist Assistant Job Opening


A retired man went into the Job Center in downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the...

A Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff,

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He...

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the garage
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dodge;
The tires were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas would fill...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and out in the shed
sat a tired ol Model Eh; Its battery near dead;
its hinges all rusted; its doors wouldn't close
The seats and carpets looked like Good Will...

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last week

when I asked if I could please borrow a newspaper.


"This is the 21st century, old fart," my son said.

"We don't waste money on...

She lives right across the street.

I can see her house from my living room.

I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street

and up my...

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party...

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
...