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Type: Posts; User: roofcam

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  1. Replies
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    When I was married 25 years I took a look at my...

    When I was married 25 years I took a look at my wife one day and said, 'honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I...
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    A mother took her five-year-old son with her to...

    A mother took her five-year-old son with her
    to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
    They got behind a very fat woman wearing a
    business suit complete with pager.

    As they waited patiently, the...
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    He ordered one hamburger, one order of French...

    He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife..



    He then...
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    PHONES IN CHURCH A man in Topeka, Kansas...

    PHONES IN CHURCH


    A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there.


    Going to a...
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    Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a...

    Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.

    The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

    The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad...
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    At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an...

    At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit
    the books of a synagogue.

    While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said:

    "I notice you buy a lot of candles....
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    A man and a woman who had never met before, and...

    A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping car on a Trans-continental train.

    Though initially embarrassed...
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    835,985

    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta...

    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

    If you...
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    Many, many years ago when I was twenty three, I...

    Many, many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow
    who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter,
    who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her,
    and...
  10. Replies
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    A rich lawyer was going down the street in his...

    A rich lawyer was going down the street in his limo when he
    saw a hobo kneeling in a park, eating the grass. The lawyer
    asked his chauffeur to stop and rolled down the window to
    talk to the...
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    A Fair Explanation The wife came home early...

    A Fair Explanation

    The wife came home early and found her husband in their
    bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
    'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
    'How dare you do...
  12. Replies
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    Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this...

    Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really
    cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.

    One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and
    said,...
  13. Replies
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    Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that...

    Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next to them. Suddenly a long line of big black cars...
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    A man was leaving a convenience store with his...

    A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
    noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

    A long black hearse was followed by a second...
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    AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED (II)..... After...

    AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED (II).....

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
    Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
    to verify...
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    AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED............ My wife...

    AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED............

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
    kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
    nearby...
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    Being retired... Working people frequently ask...

    Being retired...

    Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our days
    interesting.

    Well, for example, the other day I went downtown to the news stand for the Wall Street...
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    A recent study found the average American walks ...

    A recent study found the average American walks

    about 900 miles per year.

    Another study found Americans drink, on average,

    22 gallons of beer a year.

    That means, on average,...
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    DEATH OF AN ICON........ SAD NEWS Please...

    DEATH OF AN ICON........

    SAD NEWS

    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
    community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
    and trauma ...
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    UPS pilots and the mechanics. -----Remember it...

    UPS pilots and the mechanics.

    -----Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but
    only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance
    for those who fly routinely in their jobs.
    ...
  21. Replies
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    Why don't we iron four leaf clovers? We don't...

    Why don't we iron four leaf clovers?

    We don't want to press our luck.

    I know....it sucks!
  22. Replies
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    A guy goes in and robs a bank. On the way out he...

    A guy goes in and robs a bank. On the way out he confronts a bank customer, and asks him, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man says, "Yes", and the robber shoots him. The robber, nearing the door,...
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    Which one?

    Which one?
  24. Replies
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    A guy goes into a bank full of customers and robs...

    A guy goes into a bank full of customers and robs it. On the way out he stops and asks a man, "Did you see me rob the bank?". The man said yes, and the robber shoots him dead. He steps over to...
  25. Replies
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    The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental...

    The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions;
    They don't know whether to vote for the 'Nut' with two Boobs or the 'Boob' with two Nuts.
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