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Type: Posts; User: johnboy

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  1. Replies
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    The following questions were set in last year's...

    The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. How is dew...
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    [QUOTE=rspears;598276]I thought of johnboy when I...

    [QUOTE=rspears;598276]I thought of johnboy when I saw this one! He does love his Lion's Brown!!
    -/QUOTE]

    A strange thing there Roger. I've had a few Lion Browns every evening for about forty...
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    I lived in a houseboat and dated the girl next...

    I lived in a houseboat and dated the girl next door.
    Eventually we drifted apart.
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    Notice in 'For Sale' column of local newspaper:...

    Notice in 'For Sale' column of local newspaper: 'For sale by owner, complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes, excellent condition, no longer needed. Got Married last month and wife knows...
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    I've just started my new year's resolution to be...

    I've just started my new year's resolution to be less lazy.
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    Last night I was so drunk I took a cab home. ...

    Last night I was so drunk I took a cab home.

    Now I've got a cab in my garage and I don't know what to do with it.
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    I'd bet Jehovah Witnesses have some good knock...

    I'd bet Jehovah Witnesses have some good knock knock jokes...
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    I phoned my Scottish boss this morning and said:...

    I phoned my Scottish boss this morning and said: "Sorry boss, I won't be able to come in today, I've got a bit of a cough."
    He said: "You have a wee cough laddie?"
    I said: "Oh thanks boss - see you...
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    "Daddy what's that flower called?" "That's a...

    "Daddy what's that flower called?"
    "That's a chrysanthemum son."
    "How do you spell that?"

    "No, wait. It's a rose."
  10. Replies
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    The missus told me to put tomato sauce on the...

    The missus told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list.
    I don't know why.
    Now I can't read a word of it.
  11. Replies
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    Little known fact. The famous actor Raymond Burr...

    Little known fact. The famous actor Raymond Burr had a lumberjack brother named Tim.
  12. Replies
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    My Visa was declined at the sweater shop. So...

    My Visa was declined at the sweater shop.

    So the cashier had to ask for my cardigan.
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    Never buy flowers from monks. That way you can...

    Never buy flowers from monks.

    That way you can stop florist friars.
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    A married couple were on safari when a lion leaps...

    A married couple were on safari when a lion leaps from the bush and drags the husband off.

    "SHOOT" he screams at his wife. "SHOOT!"

    "I CAN'T!" she shouts back, 'YOU HAVE THE CAMERA!"
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    Someone ripped the 5th month from my calendar. ...

    Someone ripped the 5th month from my calendar.

    I'm dismayed......
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    When we were young, we used to sneak out of our...

    When we were young, we used to sneak out of our homes to go to parties.

    Now we're older we sneak out of parties to go home.
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    Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled up carpet...

    Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled up carpet in the bush out back.
    She said her husband would have done it, but he is out of town.
    It's nice to help people ...
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    That's a doozy Hank, better than anything I've...

    That's a doozy Hank, better than anything I've ever posted.

    And I'm never going to tell you how many I got right!
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    Three couples went in to see the minister to see...

    Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it...
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    There's a fella going around attacking people...

    There's a fella going around attacking people with a knitting needle.

    The Police say there's a pattern to it.
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    Paddy wasn't feeling too flash, so he went to see...

    Paddy wasn't feeling too flash, so he went to see the doctor. The doctor told him he couldn't diagnose his ailment properly, so told Paddy to get a specimen.
    Paddy went home to Mary, and said "The...
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    View Post

    Many of us remember “fondly” (not!) using the Outhouse. Oh, those were the “good old days!”

    Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the...
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    So an 80 year old man went to the doctor for a...

    So an 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in.
    The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
    The old timer...
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    So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a...

    So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and asks, “Is this whisky?”

    Elmer replies, “Yeth but not as whisky as wobbing a bank.”
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    A couple lived near the ocean and walked the...

    A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot.
    One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one...
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