Spanking vs Tough love

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.
Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, the kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.


I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
Your Friend

LOL :D .



Bill S.

Hopefully, he's not too bad of a kid or you will go thru a lot of wiper blades.............:LOL:

Mike

Kind of turns around the old line, "Do you want me to stop this car right now?? that my kids keep reminding me of from years past.....

I fashioned an 18" "Board of Education" from a 3/4" x 4" plank of pine when the kids were growing up. I used to give them an option, application of the attitude changer or time out in their room. One application of the board convinced them that time out was the smarter option. ;)

I have four grown and have to agree that the "board of education applied to the seat of knowledge" was sometimes used at our household. Never abuse (at least by my definition) but sometimes the moist effective way to change harmful behavior.

They are all good, solid tax-paying citizens and having kids of their own.

BTW - If I had known the grandkids were so much fun, I may have skipped the kids altogether!

It would seem that everybody has an opinion on raising kids and punishment. As a former group home parent, I found myself in situations where the smart kids would instigate riots with the less savy ones. I could only use time outs as a punishment. We had one kid, way too smart for his years, who would get other kids into fights and sit back and enjoy the chaos. One night I decided to give myself a time out when he said what are you going to do. He clearly stated I had no power to stop him from doing whatever he wanted. I pointed out to the kids that he was getting into trouble, that I would be taking a time out and would not be able to protect Robert from them for the next minute. They all pounced on him. When I asked them to stop, they did.
I then pointed out to Robert that not only was I there to keep peace but to protect them all. We never had a problem again!:eek:

Back in about '59 my Dad was teaching Vo-Ag to the farm boys in very rural SW MO (I was about 12). One of the older guys came waltzing in with a new "DA" pompadour, making quite a show of slicking back his new "do", and Dad asked him when he had last had a haircut. "Just got it cut Saturday, man", was the reply, with just enough attitude to cause concern. "Well that's a shame to pay good money for a haircut and not get the job done." To the group of Jr's & Sr's he said, "Boys, there's a good pair of sheep shears in this cabinet if anyone knows how to use them" as he walked out the door. When he came back in a while later the DA was history, he handed the kid $2 and told him he could walk to town and visit the barber if he wanted to get things straightened out. He came back with a flat top...... Shame is, today someone would be in court a few days later.

We had five teenagers at home, at the same time for awhile (13 to 19). Pretty much chaos most of the time. Even if they took turns behaving for a few days at a time, somebody would be screwing up somehow, taking up the slack. On one really bad day I blurted out, "I hope you have kids just like you, cause I'm going to teach them everything you do, plus a few things you haven't thought of!" You know, that sunk in better than anything else I ever said or done. In spite of me, they have grown up, and are having families of their own. And yes, Grand kids are fun, and they learn quick too!!:3dSMILE:

One time my Girlfriend and I were riding our bikes to the beach, and were following a family on bikes ahead of us............Mom and Dad in front and the two kids behind on their own bikes. The kids were being really bad, and after a while the Mom turned around and said in a very proper voice " ok you two, when we get to the beach you are going to get a TIME OUT!!"

When we got to the beach, there was another Mom and her two kids showering off under the outdoor showers. The Mom was a rather large black woman, and the one boy did something she didn't like, so she reached over and landed a smack on his butt that sent him flying. I turned to my Girlfriend and said, "I guess he just got HIS TIME OUT!!" :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

Personally, I raised my Sons just like her.........didn't beat them or abuse them, but every once in a while they would get their butts warmed a little. :) :)

Don

I'll vote YES for grandkids being fun......:3dSMILE:

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Dang Pro70z28 I would of thought you would have gotten the
kid a hands free phone. LOL Kurt

Tried that. But my boy is as big as me now. I remember when leather was a good feeling in my hand and his butt...........


:toocool:

i like that one!:D

LOL's. The 'Human Rights Activists' are going to be watching you now! LOL's.

I guess with me....and watching others....I'm not going to be a judge of discipline. I've seen kids that shouldve got a good wailing early in life to keep them in line......and kids that did get the wailing and still ending up being a menace to society. You just never know. There's no guarantee.

I believe in corporal punishment. My son's dont fear me....yet they both respect me, as do I respect my father. My thing is....I dont punish in anger. I wait until I can collect myself.....and later confront them. I cant remember the last time I had to use it on my boy's.

But some kiddo's.....holy cow......my two year old step daughter is teaching me all about the term 'terrible two's'. My wife laughs when I tell her my boys didnt go thru this stage.....but I'm being serious. Grey hairs are starting to grow on my bald head! :LOL: :LOL:

Dave G

My mother frequently used an old time razor strap on my back side when we are around home. Out in public she just used the palm of her hand. Both were effective at getting the message across. I do believe that sparing the rod spoils the child and I do not but much weight on the liberals feelings that child punishment should be all mental and not physical. A good warming of one's but from time to time when the infraction deserves it is the right course of action.

My daughter got her little butt warmed twice by me (lost count by my wife). She turned out a good kid, although a little spoiled.:D The way I see some kids act in public, I sometimes thing the parents are the ones that should get the spanking.:LOL: :LOL:

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Originally Posted by mopar34

My mother frequently used an old time razor strap on my back side when we are around home. Out in public she just used the palm of her hand. Both were effective at getting the message across. I do believe that sparing the rod spoils the child and I do not but much weight on the liberals feelings that child punishment should be all mental and not physical. A good warming of one's but from time to time when the infraction deserves it is the right course of action.

My daughter got her little butt warmed twice by me (lost count by my wife). She turned out a good kid, although a little spoiled.:D The way I see some kids act in public, I sometimes thing the parents are the ones that should get the spanking.:LOL: :LOL:

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I'm with you Mopar! In reality.....physical is mental. Really not much difference. Physical just re-inforces the mental. I've seen people that can do more damage mentally with the words they use. It just depends on whether they degrade a child....or serve as a hint of proper behavior. My mother use to use the metal end of a flyswatter when she was reaaaal madd!!! She feels bad now....but I know she did it out of anger....and probably fear for what I'd become. Believe me.....I deserved it at times!

Dave G

One thing that is harder about not being physical with a punishment is that you have to get very creative to get your point across. Our three boys came out of foster care and due to their past we don't use the board of education on them even though I would love to from time to time. We did however find a loop hole in being physical. Pinches :eek: That works pretty good for our situation especially when you tell them " Your going to get pinched and hard too, come here and get it " You almost don't even have to pinch them anymore at that point :LOL: In public a outburst leading them by the ears works well also. After any punishment we always make sure there is a hug afterwards, gotta make sure that they know that you love them.

Our Socialist Government in New Zealand has made any form of physical punishment illegal......to the detriment of kid's behaviour.
We were firm believers in a pat on the back for all our kids; often enough, hard enough, and low enough.
My five year old granson knows I can't spank him, and man does he play on it!
He's naughty for the sake of being naughty......the other day he ran through the shrubbery at the super-market car-park stomping on and ripping out everything he could.....and laughing at me when I tried to stop him.
When I finally got him into the car, and out of town, to hell with the do-gooders, I dragged him out of the car and cave him a couple of clips around the backside.
BUT..... if someone had seen me, I would certainly been in trouble with the law. But now he knows he can't push me too far!

I spanked my kids...but found out something interesting. One good stinging swat...with the promise of more.....is better than 25 stinging swats.

My brother and his wife told me they didn't believe in spanking....so their kids did a lot of "time outs". Years later he called me and said "I don't know what to do...these kids are out of control!" :-)

I do believe you can overdo it, but remember....if you don't teach them respect for authority, and that some things have consequenses....when they get older, the police will!

Unfortunately my wife and I never had kids but we did have nieces and nephews that we would care for on occasion. We would care for them over a weekend or sometimes longer to give their folks a break and give us a chance to sooth our "parental urging"----Thank GOD for Sunday evenings!:)

My youngest brother and his wife were firm believers in "tough Love"--the "spare the rod, spoil the child approach"-- My wife and I believe in the opposite approach.
One weekend we agreed to care for their 2 boys, then about 3 and 5 years old , so my brother and his wife could celebrate their 10th anniversary. We had a heavy snowfall on Fri. night and the kids wanted to go outside to play Sat. morning. We dressed them in their their snowsuits and I went out with them. Well the oldest, Justin( a spoiled lil' hellion)began throwing snow on Ryan---time after time I kept telling Justin to stop---time after time he'd do it again and by this time Ryan was in tears--I walked over to Justin and firmly told him "NO", he just laughed at me and threw snow on Ryan again. I grabbed a hold of his arm and and cupping my hand swatted him on the butt(cold snowsuits make a heck of a noise) and took him inside in tears, told my wife to put him in the bedroom in a chair and if he moved to paddle his butt, he could come out when we told him he could. Ryan and I played in the snow for awhile longer then went inside. I asked my wife to make us some hot chocolate, Justin of course heard that and came out--my wife turned to him gave him a warning to get back in his chair in bedroom--he screamed at her and she smacked his butt twice and she told him if ever did that again she'd wash his mouth out with soap then marched him right back to his chair. Justin spent most of that weekend in the chair. But it must have made a lasting impression upon him 'cuz after that weekend we never again had problems with either one of them when ever they were here either for a weekend or if they came up for Holidays---my brother said "the kids are always so well behaved when we come to your house???"---

Justin is now 25, happily married and expecting their first child come Feb. A couple years ago he and his wife visited us in Wa. He made some smartass comment(he's always been a smartass) and my wife said "once more like that and I'm gonna smack your butt, wash your mouth out with soap and send you to your chair", Justin looked at her and me and said "you know I think you'd do it". Then he said that was why he always respected us because he and Ryan both new their limits when at our home.

Everything in balance. If you study nature you will see all mammals reprimand their young to keep them safe. A few don't get it and ultimately end up paying the consequences. Tough love is O.K. in my book. Brutality and terror is not. Again it is all about balance. Don't reach for the howitzer when a bb gun will do!:eek:G.R. I had a similar thing with my brothers kids. They are always well behaved around me, because they know what the limits are, and are ok with that!
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All it took with my kids was 1 good swat with the belt and the threat of more. Just like some one said earlier.

When they are jumping around holding their backsides from the stinging that they just got and know that there can be more severe thrashings forthcoming if necessary was all it took to get them in line.

My kids all respect me and my wife and are actually really good kids.



Hmmm.... I wonder if it will work on my wife? :cool:

I always like the old saying "parents don't give your kids harsh laxitives, just beat the shit out of them!" Goes hand and hand with corporal punishment.:LOL: :LOL:

My thoughts on young'uns,

I am not a fan of kids, so I don't have any. Too many people have kids seemingly just for social status, you know, like a conversation piece. These are the ones who tell Skyler, I'm going to count to five!!!! then do nothing when he keeps acting out! When I was little I was told once, next offense I got a belt, hand, or switch. Nothing like having to go cut the switch that Momma's gonna whip you with!

Too many people want to be their kids best friend, I've always felt that a parent's job is not to be the friend,but to teach their children how to deal with life, and how to be a good person. You won't always be there to hold their hand, they will have to deal with problems on their own someday, it's your job to prepare them for it!

I am Adam, and I approve this message!:whacked:

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Originally Posted by Sinister

My thoughts on young'uns,

Too many people want to be their kids best friend, I've always felt that a parent's job is not to be the friend,but to teach their children how to deal with life, and how to be a good person. You won't always be there to hold their hand, they will have to deal with problems on their own someday, it's your job to prepare them for it!

I am Adam, and I approve this message!:whacked:

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Well said!
A parent's job is to prepare their child to act responsibly to whatever life throws at him/her.
For the good of all people there are certain "rules" that have been put in place (e.g. drive on the correct side of the road, attend school, don't steal,) and for the good of all people (and the individual) these rules must be adhered to or society will punish you.
Now, if you flaunt the rules, sooner or later "Authority" will come down on you, be it a parent, a teacher, a referee or a judge.
The sooner/younger these boundaries are learnt the easier it is to become self disciplined and avoid the punishment that will inevitably follow misbehaviour.
Isn't it better to be chastised by a parent at age four with a smack than a Judge at age twenty with a prison sentence?

IMO there were five changes in the late 60's to the early 80's that destroyed our youth as a whole, (NOT to say there are not good kids, most would be given the right disapline and upbringing.

1. Latch key kids who raised themselves
2. Cry baby social workers who will not let our kids be disciplined as they should be
3.Getting rid of the draft - We now have two generations of young people who are spoiled "I owe nothing to anyone,Gimme" waists of air.
4.Glorifying criminal behavior through popular music
5.Treating criminals like THEY are the victims- Beat them senseless @ the FIRST infraction,and get harder from there.

OOPs, double post and can not delete this one.

IMO there were five changes in the late 60's to the early 80's that destroyed our youth as a whole, NOT to say there are not good kids, most would be given the right discipline and upbringing.

1. Latch key kids who raised themselves,We got greedy in the 70's and wanted things beyond our means and station at the cost of good home values.

2. Cry baby social workers who will not let our kids be disciplined as they should be

3.Getting rid of the draft - We now have two generations of young people who are spoiled "I owe nothing to anyone,Gimme" waists of air.

4.Glorifying criminal behavior through popular music,there should limits even to free speech when it condones crime.

5.Treating criminals like THEY are the victims- Beat them senseless @ the FIRST infraction,and get harder from there. ONE appeal then take them out and shoot them on treason, murders or child molestations. NO life sentences-DEATH

The SINGLE best deterant to bad or criminal behavior is FEAR of consequences.

5.Treating criminals like THEY are the victims- Beat them senseless @ the FIRST infraction,and get harder from there. ONE appeal then take them out and shoot them on treason, murders or child molestations. NO life sentences-DEATH

The SINGLE best deterant to bad or criminal behavior is FEAR of consequences.[/QUOTE]

Aww, come on now, they're just victims of circumstance. They probably had a bad childhood, that's all. We shouldn't punish them, we should rehabilitate them and give 'em a hug.:CRY:

You can obviously detect the sarcasm in my voice!:mad:

That is funny. I see kids I would like to do that to sometimes. Seriously, I have seen both sides and prefer not spanking. I have administered the "learn-ed thump" to many a noggin though. Seldom does it take more than one and it doesn't leave a mark.

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Originally Posted by willowbilly3

That is funny. I see kids I would like to do that to sometimes. Seriously, I have seen both sides and prefer not spanking. I have administered the "learn-ed thump" to many a noggin though. Seldom does it take more than one and it doesn't leave a mark.

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I remember well the "learn-ed thump". My Dad as we boys got older would use it on us if we were getting out of line. He always wore this big 'ol U.S.Navy ship ring---I think I still have bumps on my head from that thing

I discipline my wife-----I spank my girlfriend

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Originally Posted by brianrupnow

I discipline my wife-----I spank my girlfriend

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LMAO! good one Brian:)

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Originally Posted by G.R.

I remember well the "learn-ed thump". My Dad as we boys got older would use it on us if we were getting out of line. He always wore this big 'ol U.S.Navy ship ring---I think I still have bumps on my head from that thing

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Funny, I just had a vision of the Jack Elam character in Cannonball Run. He held up a huge middle finger and said "seldom need more than this". That was for a different reason but same tool.lol