If you think you got it bad.....

This is way out of the hot rod track, so don't read on unless you've been down!
My brother ships out today for Iraq. He's a Doc in the Army. A couple of months ago his wife tells him she wants a divorce. He tells her that he will give her a divorce when he gets back from Iraq in May. This is one month after they buy there dream house! She was acting all strange, coming home late from work.....two words personal trainer! My brother finds out she's having an affair(3rd one since they've been married) So here he is shipping out and she plans to run the show while he's gone. So today she says because he had his life insurance changed to be put in a trust fund for their 8 year old daughter, that she's going to let the place fall apart and not pay the bills. This woman is cold hearted! She already gets half his pension and 400,000 if he dies, and it's not enough. I'm sorry but that's twisted. You cheat on your Husband, threaten to mess up his life, ignore and neglect your daughter so you have more time to fool around, and your pissed that your not getting it all!!!! I'm glad my wife and I get along! We trust eachother. Any miseries I may have are nothing to what he must be going thru.
To all those of you who serve out there, Thank you for what you must sacrafice for those of us who don't!

i hear you, and am sorry for his situation. my first wife 25 years ago cheated on me, the first night i found out i kicked her azz out and never let her back. fortunate for us we had no kids lives to ruin in the ordeal. and thats the worse part of all is she will probably use the child as a pawn to hurt your brother, and actually it will hurt the child worse in the end. ive been lucky the 2nd time around and just had our 20th wedding aniversary last month. ive got a wopping story i was going to post as to last months ordeals, maybe now i will do it and start a whiners and cryers thread, kinda a therapy thread for everyone to unload on. mine involves a kidnapping, a death threat, our daughters most wanted, a heart attack, an attempted robbery, and me drawing my hand gun on said person. ya it was a very merry xmas here.

I highly suggest that you or your brother consider both a divorce attorney (get the best one your family can afford right off the bat and DO IT NOW) and a private detective to administrate this ugly situation. Forget about the wife for a moment and think about the wellbeing of the child. Then get that private detective to build up the case for your brother and your family when he gets home.

Bill S.

And people think I'm weird for wanting to stay single! I've heard a lot of horror stories like that from guys I've worked with over the years. Oh, Stovens, tell your brother to be careful over there.**)

Yeah tell him be safe and get back here and cheat her out of money . Married 31 here some women are not for sticking to a marriage some change it like a plate of food . Not saying all guys are angels .

My ex-wife one time told me.
Why don't you work "over-time" so I can have a part-time job??
I was already working about 60 hours a week.
It was shortly after that a friend of mine gave me a call to give me the news about her messing around.
At first I did'nt believe him but then a second friend said the same thing so I hired a P.I.
It only took him 6 hours to get all the "dirt" on her.
I asked her why and all she could say she "I was bored".
The funny thing is her brother and her parents are some of the best people I know.
About every two weeks her dad will come by the shop.
My ex-father in-law has a great 37 Chevy we built togther about 15 or more years ago.
Yes,I know that is very strange.:whacked:

Maybe he can invite her to Iraq for an accidental shooting. :)

Been there, done that. :( Pretty much same thing happened to me except you can insert "Doctor" instead of "Personal Trainer." I was so trusting I would wash her car before she "went out with the girls." :mad:

From experience I can tell you that your Brother's head is spinning right now, he has been blindsided by this and really has too much going on to make rational decisions. I basically walked away with my hot rod and two cats and gave her everything else.....house, car, furniture, bank accounts, etc. If I had been smart I could have gotten half, maybe more if I would have gotten a Private Eye and Attorney involved.........but I decided to be a Gentleman about it. Big mistake.

Mr Mustangs advice is very good. Get a Private Eye to get the goods on her, and start taking steps to protect himself. She is not going to play fair, regardless of what she tells you..........once friends and Attorneys get involved it becomes war. Being his Brother you should be able to sit him down and have a Dutch Uncle talk and help him through this. Contact all of his creditors and advise them what is going on, and HIRE A GOOD ATTORNEY. There are ways to protect yourself and minimize the damage, but the biggest hurdle for him right now is to overcome the emotional pain. Since he is being deployed there might be some protection for him in that........maybe the creditors can be put on hold somewhat.

I feel sorry for him, especially with other things going on in his life right now. Stories like this and what happened to me are another reason I am single and loving it. :D
Don

Oh, BTW, there IS a God in Heaven. My Ex now lives in a small apartment, all alone........Prince Charming turned out to be a Toad.

First thing that I notice that is in error in all the above situations, each one only had one wife at any one given time.

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Originally Posted by TyphoonZR

First thing that I notice that is in error in all the above situations, each one only had one wife at any one given time.

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Why do you have more than one???:LOL:

I know a guy that married his high school sweet-heart got divorced in about 1990 and got then got back togther with her again in 1994 and then re-married again in 1997 and I think they got divorced again in 2003,last I heard they where dating again but I don't think they are married but I could be wrong.Yes,this is crazy.
:whacked: :whacked:

Sad for your brother. I just want to add my agreement with what Pops says about the credit issues. I know your bro has a lot on his mind, but he really needs to shut down all the lines of credit NOW! If he thinks it's bad now, it'll be a whole lot worse when he gets back and has to try to dig out of a huge butt load of debt the (female dog explitive) will try to stick him with.

A guy I knew divorced and remarried the same girl 4 times.:eek: They said something about they better make it work out this time because the law (maybe in Oklahoma where they lived) only let you do that 4 times.

Talk about a Glutton for punishment!! :LOL: :LOL:

Don

Thanks for all the advice. I talked with him for over an hour about how he can't trust her. I told him he better get a legal separation or she'd ruin his credit while he was gone. I also advised him to get an estate manger in his abscence. He wouldn't listen to any of it. I think it just about killed him to admit he was headed for a divorce. I guess she moved out for a while over a year ago and they had been seeing a marraige counselor. When she moved back in she said her previous affairs were because she was bored...sounds familiar. He made a radical change in his life, stopped working late, came home before she did and worked on dinner, the house whatever, to be there for her and his daughter.
This time after moving into the new house for 1 day, she wanted to commit suicide. He refered her to their counselor. The counselor said she would do nothing unless his wife came to her. She had stopped taking ....yes...the 2000 buzzz word... "antidepressants" about the time she left him the first time. I was blown away to hear all of this as my brother has never mentioned any problems, ever until last month!
The story reads like a bad book. Her first affair was with her plastic surgeon and boss who, by the way she still works for! Her second was with a guy she picked up in a bar. It seems she has some need for people to notice her, so she and her best friend cruise bars and flirt with guys.
After hearing all of this I told him you've gotta get a lawyer and build a case against her. Evidently he has records of all her phone calls with all of these affairs, and seems to think that's enough!
I think he's so down in the dumps, that with shipping out to Iraq, he can't bring himself to do anything right now. When I talked with him at least he wasn't suicidal.
The funny thing is the day his wife wanted a divorce in WA, they had been married exactly 9 and a half years. In WA it takes six months to finalize a divorce, per my brother, and in the military your spouse is entitled to half your pension if you have been married for ten years! What a coniving beochhh!
By the way he is her second husband. I just hope that carma comes around to bite her in the ass!
Thanks for letting me vent here. It helps to let off steam with you guys!

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Originally Posted by erik erikson

Why do you have more than one???:LOL:

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Haha, I love it Erik. Mutiple wives is the answer, no doubt. But in my god-forsaken land, we are not permitted to having more than one wife at a time, so I am reduced to having concubines/sweethearts on the side, if you will.

Does my first wife of 32 years like it, he!! no. It makes her jealous. But hey, I'll tell you one thing for sure, she is in the running. I mean at alll times. She makes sure she stays fit and trim and is willling to .... well you know, any time

This might be cruel, but if he doesn't get his head on straight he stands a good chance of not coming back. I'm sure others will agree.

Steve, anyone who has been through this sort of situation will tell you, he is not himself right now. People take it in different ways, some shut down, some get violent, etc. I got so crazy my whole life at that time revolved around what I was going to do to him, when in fact it was her that I should have been upset with. Sometimes people on the outside can see things we can't see because we are too close to the situation. My best friend Pete told me " if you even consider going back with her I am going to beat the h*** out of you." All our friends could see the situation for what it was, except for me.

It sounds like he is in a relationship with an unstable woman, and he is enabling this behavior. He has put up with several infedelities and taken her back. Either he is the eternal optimist or very blind. The sad part is, sometimes you can't save people from themselves, no matter how much we love them. He has to decided for himself that it is truly not a healthy relationship and terminate it himself, in his own mind. As logical as your talks are with him, he isn't ready to hear it.

I don't know what the answer is, maybe there is none. They may very well become one of the statistics of people whose lives go down the tubes through this rift in their relationship. All you can do is be there for him.

Don

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Originally Posted by TyphoonZR

Haha, I love it Erik. Mutiple wives is the answer, no doubt. But in my god-forsaken land, we are not permitted to having more than one wife at a time, so I am reduced to having concubines/sweethearts on the side, if you will.

Does my first wife of 32 years like it, he!! no. It makes her jealous. But hey, I'll tell you one thing for sure, she is in the running. I mean at alll times. She makes sure she stays fit and trim and is willling to .... well you know, any time

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Not only that,remember in our country we don't have a lot of spousal killings,but we have a lot of "hunting accidents"!;) On the main topic,his wife has a diagnosed "mental illness" if she's been prescribed antidepressants,this could be child endangerment if she's stopped taking them against Doctor's advice.He must think of the child 1rst and foremost!

I've done it 4 times, the last was a cheat. Getting rid of her was the best thing I've ever done. There is no such thing as a "good cheap lawyer". Tell your brother to put it in the hands of an aggressive shark. The more expensive lawyer will save him money in the long run. And by all means, do it before he leaves. Tell him thanks for all that he is doing over there, Al

Thanks for the venting and support. It's great to be here. I will continue to support him, like all of us do for our families and hope for the best.

I went through this very same horrible nightmare. Every time I thought it could not possibly get worse, it did. Even though counselors are required to maintain confidence, ours told me on the side that she was going to eventually give me AIDS. After the divorce, her drinking and going missing caused me to just drive over to the ex in-laws and bring my young daughter home. Thankfully my daughter told her she'd rather live with me and the ex gave in. One day, my ex put a gun to her head and ended her life.
One might think that would be cause for celebration, but no. I experienced pain and grief that I did not know existed. That is how love is. All you can do for your Brother is support him and listen. Only time heals.
I learned a few things from my experience, but it took years to sink in. You can never love another person into being what you wish they would be. Tigers never change their stripes. The only choice is to put up with a partner the way they are, or, if you can't, walk.
And finally I learned the hardest lesson - forgiveness. That may sound strange when another is so cruel. But for me it was the final solution to absolve myself of bitterness, pain and grief. And it took years.
I know that does not help your Brother right now. Forgiveness is a steep mountain, but on top, the view is great.

You are right about the forgiveness. I kid about my Ex, but the fact is, she was a terrific Mom and a good wife for most of our 28 years. She just thought there was a better life out there for her and she gave in to it.

She and I are now friends, mainly for the sake of our Sons, and while I feel sorry for where she is now in her life I have zero interest in any relationship with her beyond what it is.

I'm sorry to hear about the way your wife's life ended up. Sometimes we can't save people from themselves. :(

Don

Well I have been married 4 times . The 1st wife I was the bad one running around with girl-friends . My 2nd wife one of the girl friend died of Cancer . She was really a good woman . The 3rd one was the Bad one . She took my 1989 5.7 TPI Firebird and traded it for a Van . And she was real mean to my Daughter . That witch had to go ! Glad she had that van to move her stuff out . My 4th Wife is OK and I hope this is the last one. And my Daughter is also doing great . Tell your brother to get what is his and find another woman .

What stays the most above is getting a lawyer and freezing assets. I was married for 23 years. The last year she stared fooling around. I didn't find out until one of my daughters spilled the beans. We separated on my birthday and she took $22 large out of our joint savings into her own account to celebrate. She doinked more than one neighbor and wound up marrying my next door neighbor 6 weeks after our divorce was final and 2 weeks after his was. She also doinked a brother in law one drunken night. He's dead now; don't worry I didn't do it. :LOL:

To think she was living next to the love of her life for several years! :LOL:

IMO your brother's wife can never be trusted again. He really needs to take care of business ASAP to minimize damage and begin the healing process. Best wishes to you both.

Kitz

In case anyone out there has any suspicions that their mate might be running around, here are some telltale signs:

1) Starts going out with the girls or guys a lot more often. Comes home with booze on breath.

2) Can't take calls at work anymore because of "meetings."

3) Thinks it would be a good idea to have their own checking/savings account. It "makes them feel more secure."

4) New clothes and lingerie show up that you have never seen before. "Oh, I've had these old things for ever." :rolleyes:

5) Spends hours talking secretly to "friends" on the phone.

6) Strange charges start showing up on your bank statements.

7) You start getting a lot of hangups on the phone with blocked numbers.

8) You find receipts in her/his car that are for items you never use.

9) Their best friend starts treating you differently.

10) Your supper starts tasting a lot like arsenic.:eek:


Don

Update on my brother.
This is a email from Iraq he sent yesterday. I have to say support your local troops!
"Steve
Thanks for writing and sending the care package. I heard from Mike about Uncle Norm, its very sad, but at some point we all die, cancer is just a horrible way to do it. Death is all around me here. We got mortared with 17 rounds about 3 days ago, and a father walked in holding his baby and his 7 year old daughter, both dead. We worked on a US Soldier who's HMMV hit and IED, he had just a small injury to his leg but was coding... we spent 2 hours coding him, he'd come back then fade away, we transfused a large amounts of blood, eventually we took him to the OR, but we lost him due to massive blood loss internally. The next day the health care providers here lined the path from our morg to the landing zone where the Blackhawk took him away to fly home on the angel flight its very sad, I kept thinking about his family and how sad they will be to here of his loss, especially if he had little kids. On the other hand we save numerous lives, we had a little 9 year old Iraqi girls burned over 35% of her body, treated poorly at a local Iraqi hospital for a week, she came to us almost dead covered in pseudomonas... we spent 2 weeks on her, she flew out to go to Boston to be treated in the Shriner's hospital all costs paid. Well I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have written all this, but that's how things are here, I'm very happy I'm here, because I'm making a difference, and that's what makes it all worth it. "

Your Brother is one of many Great men over there fighting for what is right . I have thought of him many times and will continue to do so even when he makes it back home . I give him my Thank's now and always Tango

First thing that pops up on my home page is headline "news", most of it this morning are about a bunch of self absorbed, so called celebrities, spoiled brats mostly who are fixated on what serves themselves best. And others around us admire this for some reason. They get awards for pretending to do something useful. Then, on little ol' CHR I get to read this latest from your brother, no headlines, no reporters, no swooning fans, no phonies. Seems backward somehow. I'm glad you put that up, thanks.

I read your Brother's story and for him to go on and do his job with such compassion for other people while having to deal with what his wife is putting him through, he is truly a great guy. I will keep him in my prayers as everyone else. My Niece was 19 when she was deployed to Iraq she drove an 18 wheel fuel tanker. I thank God she got home safe. With so many Soldiers fighting this war most of us have loved ones involved.

Good Luck to your Brother, and all who are doing what is asked of them over there.

p.s. almost 40 years same woman, I think she is a keeper.

Richard

Wow. That really brings home what these poor guys and gals are facing on an everyday basis. It has to effect them and change them forever.

You must be very proud of your Brother, Steve. He sounds like a great guy. Bob makes a very interesting point about our priorities relative to the people we celebrate. Every TV show is consumed with "Paris Hilton did this" or "Linday Lowhan is back in rehab", then a very small segment of the news says "Oh, and by the way, 200 people were killed by suicide bombers today, 20 of them US Soldiers." :mad: :mad:

Thank you for posting his communication here. Makes me sad, but proud and happy at the same time that there are people like him still in this world.

Don

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Originally Posted by stovens

Update on my brother.
This is a email from Iraq he sent yesterday. I have to say support your local troops!
"Steve
Thanks for writing and sending the care package. I heard from Mike about Uncle Norm, its very sad, but at some point we all die, cancer is just a horrible way to do it. Death is all around me here. We got mortared with 17 rounds about 3 days ago, and a father walked in holding his baby and his 7 year old daughter, both dead. We worked on a US Soldier who's HMMV hit and IED, he had just a small injury to his leg but was coding... we spent 2 hours coding him, he'd come back then fade away, we transfused a large amounts of blood, eventually we took him to the OR, but we lost him due to massive blood loss internally. The next day the health care providers here lined the path from our morg to the landing zone where the Blackhawk took him away to fly home on the angel flight its very sad, I kept thinking about his family and how sad they will be to here of his loss, especially if he had little kids. On the other hand we save numerous lives, we had a little 9 year old Iraqi girls burned over 35% of her body, treated poorly at a local Iraqi hospital for a week, she came to us almost dead covered in pseudomonas... we spent 2 weeks on her, she flew out to go to Boston to be treated in the Shriner's hospital all costs paid. Well I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have written all this, but that's how things are here, I'm very happy I'm here, because I'm making a difference, and that's what makes it all worth it. "

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In the words of Sir Winston Churchill: "Never before has so much been owed to so few, by so many....."

God Speed to your brother and those over there with him.

On a side note, the way you understood what your brother said regarding the 10 year mark with regards to the military retirement is spot on. When I was in, I had a buddy that ended up being the victim of a girl that pulled this stunt off twice.

It just so happened that her previous marriage (also to guy in the military) had lasted just over 10 years, and she filed for her first divorce about 6 weeks after the first guy retired. She ended up getting what equated to half of this guy's retirement and then married my buddy, Jeff, who was at the time about half way through his carreer. In the end about 10 months after Jeff finally retired, she filed for divorce and ended up with half of his retirement as well. In the end, she ended up getting what equated to essentially a full military retirement and never served a single day. Pretty damned messed up. I understand why the military has the rule; but, there will always be people who figure out a way to use it to their advantage. She was just simply one of those people, cold, calculating and had absolutely no regard for anybody but herself.

There is of course a way to defeat this if your brother hasn't crossed over the 20 year mark yet; but, it means that your brother would have to end his carreer and not retire from the military. Sucks I know; but, that would prevent her from being entitled to half of his retirement.

Also, with regards to the credit thing, the military (at least the Air Force) was very cut and dry about that (while I was in anyway) pay it or else it WILL impact your carreer. I would highly reccomend, as others have, that he cuts that off and gets council immediately (if he hasn't already)

If she runs up the bills unchecked and he has done nothing to stop her, he will be liable for the $, and if he can't cover it in the end, his commander will find out (because the credit agencies will contact the commander to receive payment) and they may very well take punitive action against him for not shutting off the lines of credit to her in a timely manner and therefore "allowing a negative light to be cast" on the military.

From this the commander may decide to not only garnish his wages to pay for it, but also fine him, reduce him in rank, etc. All very ugly stuff.

Granted that might be considered a pretty extreme action and depending on all the surrounding circumstances, I really wouldn't expect that to happen. But, I have seen stranger things happen, and if nothing else, it may very well keep him from being promoted in the future because the military will view that as a weakness and use that as a justification to limit his carreer.

I feel really bad for him. I wish stuff like this didn't happen to anybody; but, I've seen it too many times and I would hate to have yet one more thing go bad for him. Those guys give enough already and don't deserve the piss-poor treatment that they get sometimes. I wish him all the best.

I also wish there were more stories on the news of the good that those guys are doing over there. I'm not talking about this from a political standpoint either. I'm not saying these things because I support a war, but because I support the poor Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen sent to fight it. Show the good they do because they deserve to have it shown. Hopefully, there would be a little more grattitude for the job they do, in the conditions they do it in, and for the pay they get. They don't ask for it, and I know that they will continue to do the job without it; but, that doesn't mean they don't deserve it.

They simply volunteer to do the dangerous but necessary job of saving lives, fighting to protect themselves and their friends in the name of "U.S. Interests" in far away lands, often-times in miserable conditions, for little monetary gain, without ever bitching, striking or protesting, THAT, in my opinion defines a "hero" and commands my respect.

Sorry, I guess I got off on a bit of a rant there....

Like I said before, I wish your brother and his friends all the best over there.
Dutch

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Originally Posted by Bob Parmenter

First thing that pops up on my home page is headline "news", most of it this morning are about a bunch of self absorbed, so called celebrities, spoiled brats mostly who are fixated on what serves themselves best. And others around us admire this for some reason. They get awards for pretending to do something useful. Then, on little ol' CHR I get to read this latest from your brother, no headlines, no reporters, no swooning fans, no phonies. Seems backward somehow. I'm glad you put that up, thanks.

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I can't even turn the TV to the news anymore because it is all taken up with celebrities "problems" and other garbage that isn't really pertinent news. I mean when should Britney Spears' going back to rehab take precedence over things like what stovens posted. I guess it's all just for ratings these days.

Thank you stovens for posting that. It's the most real news I've heard about what's going on over there since I got a letter from my buddies about a month ago. It's been a year since I was there last and I can still remember sticking a needle in my arm so I could donate blood for a little Iraqi boy who was wounded by and IED meant for our convoy. He lived thanks to several of us who donated blood for him the night we took him to our aid station. Your brother is one among many other true heroes.

When people ask me "Why do you do it?" The only answer I can really give them is "It's my job, and I do it so you don't have to." Even if you don't support the war does not mean that you don't have to support our troops.