Ok, I tried 4 different starters and finally found one that would engage the flywheel half way. I finally ended up at Autozone and one of their parts guys is retired from a company that rebuilt starters and alternators. He said that the QC on the starters is crap and often times, the mounting points are leveled etc. He told me to take one, try it, bring it back if it didn't fit and try another.

A couple of starters later, a half shim and it's nice and quiet.